Poems and Stories

I'm just a dog breeders husband
I no longer rule my domain
Even if kindly invited
for opinions I wisely refrain,
I'm just a glorified kennel boy
Of minor importance I know,
It seems my primary function
Is merely providing the dough,
Now dog breeding's not inexpensive
As you are all no doubt aware,
But the problem's not so much the money
as the bustle, the wear and the tear,
Having studied the layback of shoulder
and becoming an expert on feet,
I still have not learned to give worm pills
or how much the puppy should eat,
My spouse will spend hours grooming
her Bred By Exhibitor bitch,
But when it comes to scratching my back
Her thought is to let the thing itch,
Some day I hope that my wife'll
Take me wondering to some foreign vale,
Instead of inspecting the stifle
of some Special stud at Milldale,
Off in a crowded lounge bar
after the dog show is done,
Someone questions the judges decision
While they reach for another drink and bun,
It appears that his eyesight is failing
His errors in judgment immense,
In fact if I did not know any better
You'd doubt if he had any sense,
One finds that the amateur's bungling
no match for professional skills,
A handler can hide what the owner admits
As he tries hard his conscience to still,
The din and the utter confusion
of everyone talking at once,
Leaves one weary, hoarse and tired
and the next day a bleary eyed dunce
I'm asked if I do not agree,
That Pottowattamie's Bridget
Is somewhat out at the knee,
But before I can answer the question
I find my answer ignored,
For some inexplicable reason
My questioner's suddenly bored,
I'm only a dog breeders husband
Not that I mean to complain,
But I find certain aspects amazing
When I aspire my role to explain,
I know at least where I am going
I'm rapidly going to seed,
But I've learned about Winner's Bitches
I married the Best of the Breed.

author unknown

You've bred a bitch, a winning thing,
and make her a champion of the ring.
She's sound, she's lovely, a joy to see.
You want to breed her carefully.

Taking lots of time, you look around.
The stud must be both typey and sound.
You study pedigrees till you're blind,
Faithfully building the litter in your mind.

Several possibilities appear,
You write to all, and wait to hear.
Some write back, "My dog's the best".
You never hear from all the rest.

You choose the one you hope is right,
Although the stud fee's out of sight.
You breed your bitch...the die is cast,
The next nine weeks don't go by fast.

Of course, the lady whelps in the middle of the night.
With luck and care, all comes out alright.
The next eight weeks you fret and strain,
Feed and scoop and try to train.

You take such care with the home they get,
This one a show dog...that one a pet.
The new owners call with problems dear,
You're on the phone for half the year.

At last, the grand moment you've longed to know
Your lady's pups have come to their first show.
They all look fine, not one a dud,
Then from behind you comes, WOW...
nice pups...who's the STUD????

author unknown

Treat me kindly, my beloved friend, for no heart in all the world

is more grateful for kindness than the loving heart of me.

Do not break my spirit with a stick, for though I should lick 

your hand between blows, your patience and understanding will more

quickly teach me the things you would have me learn.

Speak to me often, for your voice is the world's sweetest

music, as you must know by the fierce wagging of my tail when your

footstep falls upon my waiting ear.

Please take me inside when it is cold and wet, for I am a 

domesticated animal, no longer accustomed to the bitter elements. I ask 

no greater glory than the privilege of sitting at your feet beside the hearth.

Keep my pan filled with fresh water, for I cannot tell you when

I suffer thirst. 

Feed me clean food that I may stay well, to romp and play and 

do your bidding, to walk by your side, and stand ready willing and able

to protect you with my life, should your life be in danger.

And, my friend, when I am very old and I no longer enjoy good

health, hearing and sight, do make heroic efforts to keep me going.

If I am not having any fun. Please see that my trusting life is taken 

gently. I shall leave this earth knowing with the last breath I draw,

that my fate was always safest in your hands.......

author unknown

Something for all of us as breeders to think about.... To be taken in good humor!

A Good Breeder's Fairy Tale

Once upon a time, four St. Bernard exhibitors were coming home from a big show. They were driving over a mountain pass in the middle of a violent snowstorm when suddenly their car went into a skid, hit a guard rail, and went careening down a slope about a mile into a ravine.The trailer which they had been pulling, containing their four dogs, landed relatively undamaged next to their car. No one had seen the accident in the blinding storm. As luck would have it the breeders were trapped inside their car.The door to the trailer, however, had popped open.

The first dog out was a very "typey" Saint, as this was what his breeder cared about the most. He made it about a quarter of a mile up the slope before he was gasping for air, and his nasal passages began to freeze because of his foreshortened muzzle. After another 200 yards he was blind and hopelessly lost because the driving snow was piling up in his haws.

The second Saint out of the trailer was bred for the "important things" like prettiness, size, color and perfect markings. He was a beautiful sight to behold, but unfortunately, he too collapsed after only a few hundred yards from the ravages of hip dysplasia.

The third dog to try to summon help had been bred for "soundness". His breeder wouldn't have dreamed of using a dog that wasn't X-rayed free of hip dysplasia. He made it halfway up the slope before he collapsed from exhaustion. He could not cope with the high drifts. His breeder hadn't realized that there was more to "soundness" than hip dysplasia and had neglected to include the head, back, shoulders, forelimbs, feet,chest, lungs, heart and hindquarters in his "breeding for soundness".

The fourth breeder was conscious by now and knew that at last all those years of breeding would pay off. He had bred for type, being careful not to shorten the muzzle so far as to obstruct the breathing or ruin the bite. He was proud of his dog's "tight eyes". His dog had "storybook markings", a "richly" colored coat, and was a very "powerful, proportionately tall, strong and muscular figure". He had an OFA number,of course, but was also big-boned, a "very strong and powerful neck" that was properly muscled; his shoulders were "well laid back". He had a "good rib spring"; he had "strong pasterns" and "strong, tight feet". He had perfect rear angulation and his hocks couldn't have been any stronger. When moving, he was absolutely flawless... With great pride and tears in his eyes, the breeder saw his big, beautiful Saint Bernard drive off into the blinding storm just like the hospice dogs of old. The last Saint made it up the slope to the road almost effortlessly. A passing state trooper saw the dog and stopped to investigate. As he got out of the car, the dog attacked and ate him.......

author unknown

 If it should be that I grow weak

 And pain should keep me from my sleep

Then you must do what must be done

 For this last battle can't be won

 You will be sad - I understand

 Don't let your grief then stay your hand

 For this day more than all the rest

 Your love for me must stand the test

 We've had so many happy years 

 What is to come can hold no fears

 You 'd not want me to suffer so  

 The time has come, please let me go

  Take me where my needs they'll tend  

 And please stay with me till the end   

 Hold me firm, and speak to me 

 Till my eyes no longer see

  I know in time that you will see

 The kindness that you do for me

 Although my tail it's last has waved

 From pain and suffering I've been saved

Please do not grieve it must  be you

Who has this painful thing to do 

We've been so close we two these years

Don't let your heart hold back it's tears

Adapted from a poem by The Cinamon Trust

"THE JUDGES STANDARD "

GENERAL APPEARANCE - The first impression of a good judge should be that

of a tough-minded but fair, alert and gentle specimen. Muscular fitness

and nimbleness are desirable but not mandatory as soft living seems

unavoidable in the breed.

The judge should be stamped with a look of nobility and justice --

difficult to define, but always unmistakable after the show. The good

judge has a distinct personality marked by a direct and fearless - but

not hostile - expression of self confidence and that certain aloofness

which does not lend itself to immediate and indiscriminate

friendships ... or at least does not admit to such friendships until

later back at the motel.

Secondary sex characteristics should be strongly marked least, when the

judge hands you a ribbon, you say "Thank you, sir" to a lady or

vice-versa. The question of monorchids or cryptorchids should be left to

your florist.

COAT-In cold climates the judge should be equipped with a double coat.

Underwear may vary with the season. At no time, however, may a judge

shed in the ring.

PROPORTION - The most desirable proportions for a female judge are

38-23-36; however you may settle for a 23-23-23 or, as I have at times

22-35-48. The shape of a male judge is less important -- but great

bulk and commanding appearance is greatly preferred.

PIGMENT - Let's not get into this again. ALL colours are permissible! I

have not personally seen a blue judge, but there is always a first time.

SIZE - The judge should be neither too tall nor too short. As a rule of

thumb, if he must sink to his knees to pat the dog, he is probably too

tall. On the other hand, if he must jump into the air to test testicles,

he is probably too short. Measurements should be taken from the top of

the head, with the hair parted or pushed down so that it will show only

the actual height of the judge's frame or structure.

A judge of desirable sex and proper flesh should average between 70 and

340 lbs, depending primarily upon sex and how fat he or she is.

GAIT - Judges who tend to motivate on all fours should be avoided, as

should those who stagger and fall down a lot. Forward motion should be

achieved by placing one foot in front of the other...hopping is also

permitted and, in fact, often makes for better showmanship.

STANCE - While viewing the dogs, the judge should stand in the centre of

the ring, feet spread as at "parade rest", the right hand held firmly in

the left armpit with the left crossing over under the right armpit...the

chin must be tucked solidly into the chest, eyes squinting. Once the

judge has assumed this position, the steward should count the number of

times the class circles. If that count should exceed 20, he might then

unobtrusively poke the judge in the ribs. Older, more experienced

judges have been known to doze off in this position while younger

specimens, particularly members of the party-going set, might be still

so grassed from the pre-show festivities that they have passed out.

MINOR FAULTS - Muteness: It is preferred if a judge can speak in audible

tones, but his vocabulary may be limited to phrases such as "Loose

leads!", "Walk them!", "One more time around" and the number one to

three must be heard. If this is impossible, a set of flash cards

should be provided. Deafness is no fault in a judge, in fact slightly

impaired hearing faculties are a distinct advantage as the judge cannot

hear the rude comments from the ringside and will be able to literally

turn a deaf ear to whispered propositions, suggestions, etc., from the

handlers.

BLINDNESS - It is an advantage if the judge has full use of both eyes,

however, some of best-known specimens manage to get by without any

apparent eyesight at all and, as this does not seem to hinder their

careers in the least, perhaps sight requirements are due to be revised

and excluded from the standard.

DISQUALIFYING FAULTS - Judges who whoop, holler and point, or who laugh

hysterically at an exhibitor entering the ring with a particularly poor

specimen should be disqualified. Likewise, a judge who delays

proceedings while handlers make cheques out to him in the ring is not=20

permitted to participate further. Any judge who attacks a handler in

the ring is warned three times in writing after which he must be

dismissed.

author unknown